Yesterday I took a long walk in the drizzling rain and actually felt HAPPY for a little while! It's not like I haven't had good things happening, but I haven't actually FELT it like that in a long while. It felt good.
Been back to meetings and that also feels good and right. Maybe when I go back to work, I'll feel even more grounded. I have mixed feelings about being home all day. In some ways, I really like the freedom, but then again I feel lonely many mornings. Like the world has gone on without me.
I've got to get a photo of my healing chest to post. I'll ask Cece to take one and then put it up here. I like being able to take baths again, now that the vampire bites are completely closed up. They're still an angry red, though. Yucky.
Went to the hairdresser and wanted a white streak put in, but she convinced me to be satisfied with lowlights. I wanted something dramatic to say "look, everybody, I've been to hell and back" when I got back to work. Hell, they probably wouldn't even have noticed it.
I'm here to report that the sex life is working just fine. How cool is that? I was a little scared when my heart was pounding so hard, but Cece reminded me that it did that BEFORE the surgery, too. Still - creeped me out.
Driving is getting a little easier, especially since most of the time Cece lets me borrow her car which is easier to get in and out of and is an automatic. But the seat belt (shoulder part) hurts like a bitch! I've got to get something to pad the shoulder harness.
I still have moments when I feel like this is my "second" life. What am I going to do with it? Who knows how long it'll last - but no more holding back on ANYTHING!! Well, unless it's really bad for me.
Signing off now. Got some computer work to do. Cece's birthday tomorrow and I have preparations to take care of.
(Almost) Dead Ducky
Monday, June 27, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Being home
Hi all,
Well, had my appointment with my cardiologist who said I can drive again (and have sex!). I was really happy until I drove my Miata home and realized how much it hurt. Oh well, something else to improve on.
Yesterday I did absolutely nothing but read all day long. I am kind of lonely here alone during the day and I wonder will it be this way when I retire?? Of course, right now we're so very broke that I can't afford to go out and do much of anything, even if it's only the cost of gas. Next month will be worse. I am going back to work July 5th, so that's good except that we only get paid once a month at the end so July will be a long month until payday. Then there are all those medical bills!!!!! I'm trying not to stress out. It shouldn't be this way. People should be able to get sick, have major operations, etc. without worrying they'll lose everything they've worked for all their lives. It's disgusting how we accept this as normal and OK. Well, don't get me started . . .
Today I'm trying to get some stuff done. Making some overdue phone calls; sorting out the mess of paperwork covering our dining table. Ugh! Going to the store to pick up a few essentials. It will be the first time I've been out on my own - well, driving at least. I walked to some stores while I stayed with Jenny.
My emotions seem to be on hold. Feel numb and don't know what's up with that. At my sister's and daughter's last week I was crying at the drop of a hat. Now I can't seem to feel much of anything. I'm glad to be home. Love being back with my honey - but I'm bugged at my lack of feeling. I've really got to see my doctor about my hormones. Seems like everything is messed up with my system.
Even my hair isn't right. I color it every 5 weeks and the last time I went in I had a lot of gray roots. I looked today and my hair has barely grown. Good thing is that I don't have hardly any roots showing. But I wonder why my hair just seemed to have stopped growing?? Geez!
I'm still having problems with my memory, too. We sat down with a Netflix DVD of House where we'd watched a couple of the episodes on the disc already. So we were trying to figure out which ones we'd watched and which ones we hadn't. We were watching one and Cece says "we've seen this". I had NO memory of having seen it before - although a little bit later in the episode I did recall it. It's really scary. What if I can't remember cases or law that I should know when I go back to work?? What if I'm not the excellent attorney I used to be?? Should I be put out to pasture??
I asked my doctor a few questions that I figured wouldn't have real answers. I brought him the report of an angiogram I had done in 2006. That showed no blockages whatever and minimal plaque build up. I was 56 years old then. In five years I went from that to 95% blockages in two heart arteries and 90% in the third???!!!! WHAT IN THE FUCK HAPPENED IN FIVE YEARS???!!! He did seemed a bit surprised at the difference, but could not give a definitive reason. But I'd sure as hell like to know b/c if I knew what made such a dramatic difference I'D STOP DOING IT!! How can I avoid such a thing in the future?? Why did it take 56 years to get a little blocked and only 5 more years to get almost fatally blocked?? I can't think of anything that I did differently except that my mom died shortly after that test and I was so very stressed out for a long, long time. Could that have done it?
It's awful that no one can say "if you do this and don't do that, all will be well." Even my doctor said that my high cholesterol may or may not have been a factor. Considering that I've had high cholesterol for over 20 years, I don't see how that accounts for the drastic difference in 5 years.
But he did say it was unlikely that I'd have to have another bypass in my lifetime. Not that it was impossible, but unlikely. Maybe a stent or two down the road. I'd like to avoid even that.
Well, guess I'd better end for today and make that call to the cardiac rehab folks and get signed up. Thanks for listening and any feedback y'all might have for me.
Well, had my appointment with my cardiologist who said I can drive again (and have sex!). I was really happy until I drove my Miata home and realized how much it hurt. Oh well, something else to improve on.
Yesterday I did absolutely nothing but read all day long. I am kind of lonely here alone during the day and I wonder will it be this way when I retire?? Of course, right now we're so very broke that I can't afford to go out and do much of anything, even if it's only the cost of gas. Next month will be worse. I am going back to work July 5th, so that's good except that we only get paid once a month at the end so July will be a long month until payday. Then there are all those medical bills!!!!! I'm trying not to stress out. It shouldn't be this way. People should be able to get sick, have major operations, etc. without worrying they'll lose everything they've worked for all their lives. It's disgusting how we accept this as normal and OK. Well, don't get me started . . .
Today I'm trying to get some stuff done. Making some overdue phone calls; sorting out the mess of paperwork covering our dining table. Ugh! Going to the store to pick up a few essentials. It will be the first time I've been out on my own - well, driving at least. I walked to some stores while I stayed with Jenny.
My emotions seem to be on hold. Feel numb and don't know what's up with that. At my sister's and daughter's last week I was crying at the drop of a hat. Now I can't seem to feel much of anything. I'm glad to be home. Love being back with my honey - but I'm bugged at my lack of feeling. I've really got to see my doctor about my hormones. Seems like everything is messed up with my system.
Even my hair isn't right. I color it every 5 weeks and the last time I went in I had a lot of gray roots. I looked today and my hair has barely grown. Good thing is that I don't have hardly any roots showing. But I wonder why my hair just seemed to have stopped growing?? Geez!
I'm still having problems with my memory, too. We sat down with a Netflix DVD of House where we'd watched a couple of the episodes on the disc already. So we were trying to figure out which ones we'd watched and which ones we hadn't. We were watching one and Cece says "we've seen this". I had NO memory of having seen it before - although a little bit later in the episode I did recall it. It's really scary. What if I can't remember cases or law that I should know when I go back to work?? What if I'm not the excellent attorney I used to be?? Should I be put out to pasture??
I asked my doctor a few questions that I figured wouldn't have real answers. I brought him the report of an angiogram I had done in 2006. That showed no blockages whatever and minimal plaque build up. I was 56 years old then. In five years I went from that to 95% blockages in two heart arteries and 90% in the third???!!!! WHAT IN THE FUCK HAPPENED IN FIVE YEARS???!!! He did seemed a bit surprised at the difference, but could not give a definitive reason. But I'd sure as hell like to know b/c if I knew what made such a dramatic difference I'D STOP DOING IT!! How can I avoid such a thing in the future?? Why did it take 56 years to get a little blocked and only 5 more years to get almost fatally blocked?? I can't think of anything that I did differently except that my mom died shortly after that test and I was so very stressed out for a long, long time. Could that have done it?
It's awful that no one can say "if you do this and don't do that, all will be well." Even my doctor said that my high cholesterol may or may not have been a factor. Considering that I've had high cholesterol for over 20 years, I don't see how that accounts for the drastic difference in 5 years.
But he did say it was unlikely that I'd have to have another bypass in my lifetime. Not that it was impossible, but unlikely. Maybe a stent or two down the road. I'd like to avoid even that.
Well, guess I'd better end for today and make that call to the cardiac rehab folks and get signed up. Thanks for listening and any feedback y'all might have for me.
Monday, June 20, 2011
I'm home!!
Sorry I haven't posted for a couple of days. Got home around 02:00 Saturday night (Sunday morning). I was so exhausted that I felt numb, but, oh, it was so good to see my Cece waiting for me. Then getting to the house and saying hello to the kitties and just being in my own home! It's not that being at my sister's or my daughter's was a hardship, it's just that I got so homesick.
I still hate Charlotte airport. They do not know how to take care of a handicapped person. Maybe I'd like it better if I was fully recovered, but now I have an attitude about it and will probably avoid it if I can in the future. But the flight was OK and the flight attendant was very good to me.
Sunday we just relaxed and hung out all day together. I had a step group meeting at 17:00, so I was gone for a few hours that evening. It was good to share with my close supports and the meeting was held at my friend's who is only 2 blocks away, so I walked there.
I'm not sure if I told y'all that my "vampire bites" have healed. I could probably take a bath now since they're closed up. I'm so glad b/c they really bothered me. They looked ugly and made me nervous about getting an infection in them. But all went well and they've healed nicely, although the scars are funky. I'll try to get a updated photo of my healing chest posted. I'm not good at doing that, so I'll ask dear Lola for help.
Went to my home group meeting tonight. First regular meeting I've attended since my surgery. I shared about what I've been going through and warned them they'd probably be hearing a lot about it. They're so accepting and supportive; I'm so glad for that touchstone. Still sorting out my feelings about this. My friends told me Sunday that I should be so grateful b/c it was a miracle that they discovered the problem before I had a heart attack. And it was. Considering where my blockages were, chances are my first heart attack would have been fatal. But I escaped with an undamaged heart, unlike most who have bypasses. They said that I'd been spared for a special reason, and that made me see things a little differently. I hadn't been thinking of myself as lucky. I'd been thinking that after all that positive thinking and affirmations about having the best genes in the family and that I'd never have heart issues, boom, I needed a triple bypass and all that positive thinking had been for naught. But they said, no, my positive thinking and awareness saved me. Hmmmmm. I've got to mull that over. That's a better way to think about it than they way I've been seeing it.
My chest still hurts when I get up in the morning and as I am active during the day, it gets to ache more towards the evening. It hurts to the touch, but is also numb - a weird, yucky feeling. My BIL told me that it took over a year for his chest to stop feeling that way. Yippee. People tell me the scar isn't bad. But I look at women wearing low cut tops with their perfect, smooth chests and sigh within.
But, hey, I'm a survivor and I'll wear my bathing suits with my scar hanging out with pride b/c I made it through and I'm going to get better every day! Although I ALMOST was a dead ducky, I'm NOT. So there!
I still hate Charlotte airport. They do not know how to take care of a handicapped person. Maybe I'd like it better if I was fully recovered, but now I have an attitude about it and will probably avoid it if I can in the future. But the flight was OK and the flight attendant was very good to me.
Sunday we just relaxed and hung out all day together. I had a step group meeting at 17:00, so I was gone for a few hours that evening. It was good to share with my close supports and the meeting was held at my friend's who is only 2 blocks away, so I walked there.
I'm not sure if I told y'all that my "vampire bites" have healed. I could probably take a bath now since they're closed up. I'm so glad b/c they really bothered me. They looked ugly and made me nervous about getting an infection in them. But all went well and they've healed nicely, although the scars are funky. I'll try to get a updated photo of my healing chest posted. I'm not good at doing that, so I'll ask dear Lola for help.
Went to my home group meeting tonight. First regular meeting I've attended since my surgery. I shared about what I've been going through and warned them they'd probably be hearing a lot about it. They're so accepting and supportive; I'm so glad for that touchstone. Still sorting out my feelings about this. My friends told me Sunday that I should be so grateful b/c it was a miracle that they discovered the problem before I had a heart attack. And it was. Considering where my blockages were, chances are my first heart attack would have been fatal. But I escaped with an undamaged heart, unlike most who have bypasses. They said that I'd been spared for a special reason, and that made me see things a little differently. I hadn't been thinking of myself as lucky. I'd been thinking that after all that positive thinking and affirmations about having the best genes in the family and that I'd never have heart issues, boom, I needed a triple bypass and all that positive thinking had been for naught. But they said, no, my positive thinking and awareness saved me. Hmmmmm. I've got to mull that over. That's a better way to think about it than they way I've been seeing it.
My chest still hurts when I get up in the morning and as I am active during the day, it gets to ache more towards the evening. It hurts to the touch, but is also numb - a weird, yucky feeling. My BIL told me that it took over a year for his chest to stop feeling that way. Yippee. People tell me the scar isn't bad. But I look at women wearing low cut tops with their perfect, smooth chests and sigh within.
But, hey, I'm a survivor and I'll wear my bathing suits with my scar hanging out with pride b/c I made it through and I'm going to get better every day! Although I ALMOST was a dead ducky, I'm NOT. So there!
Friday, June 17, 2011
At my nephew's house
For some reason, for the last four nights I've been having major problems sleeping; or going to sleep I should say. Up until then I was sleeping so well that I thought I'd be able to do away with the sleeping pills. Then suddenly every time I get ready to retire for the night, my anxiety goes through the roof. Yesterday and the day before I was having crying jags for no real reason. I'd go from OK to bawling my face off at the drop of a hat. Not little tears sliding down the face crying, but big heaving sobs. And usually I'd have no idea of why.
Last night the anxiety hit and I'd been so tired and sleepy, but now I was rigid with anxiety and I went to take a Xanax and burst into tears crying so hard I couldn't see. My sister was still up so I went out into the living room sobbing that I thought I was losing my mind b/c I couldn't stop crying and couldn't sleep from the anxiety. Peggy really helped calm me down, explaining how my system had gone through such a shock, and my hormones were all screwed up, and I'd been so focused on my daughter and now that job was done and here were all the feelings again.
Well, tonight I'm staying with my favorite nephew, Karl, and his wife, Stacy. I adore both of them. They'd bought a new house (had it built) last year and wanted me to see it. Plus I'm flying out of Greensboro tomorrow night and they live up near there. They fed me dinner and we took a good walk. After visiting for awhile, we all petered out and I'm actually getting to bed at a more normal hour. My sister and daughter are both night owls, so I was going to bed at 2, 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning before. Now it's not even midnight. God, I sure hope the anxiety thing doesn't hit me again tonight. I slept til 13:00 today when my BIL woke me up yet I've been tired all day long. Maybe my body is trying to make up for over doing it at my daughter''s.
So, I get to visit with Karl and Stacy tomorrow til Karl takes me to the airport in time for my 20:00 flight HOME!! HOME!!!
Last night the anxiety hit and I'd been so tired and sleepy, but now I was rigid with anxiety and I went to take a Xanax and burst into tears crying so hard I couldn't see. My sister was still up so I went out into the living room sobbing that I thought I was losing my mind b/c I couldn't stop crying and couldn't sleep from the anxiety. Peggy really helped calm me down, explaining how my system had gone through such a shock, and my hormones were all screwed up, and I'd been so focused on my daughter and now that job was done and here were all the feelings again.
Well, tonight I'm staying with my favorite nephew, Karl, and his wife, Stacy. I adore both of them. They'd bought a new house (had it built) last year and wanted me to see it. Plus I'm flying out of Greensboro tomorrow night and they live up near there. They fed me dinner and we took a good walk. After visiting for awhile, we all petered out and I'm actually getting to bed at a more normal hour. My sister and daughter are both night owls, so I was going to bed at 2, 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning before. Now it's not even midnight. God, I sure hope the anxiety thing doesn't hit me again tonight. I slept til 13:00 today when my BIL woke me up yet I've been tired all day long. Maybe my body is trying to make up for over doing it at my daughter''s.
So, I get to visit with Karl and Stacy tomorrow til Karl takes me to the airport in time for my 20:00 flight HOME!! HOME!!!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Long Day
Long, but satisfying, day. Made soup and baked chicken for my sweet daughter. She took baby Matthew for his first checkup. All is well. Daughter is very sore and her milk is coming in. Thank God b/c baby wasn't real satisfied with what he was getting before!
Also did laundry. I know I'm doing too much. My chest hurts more than it has. I'm using my arms a lot cooking, lifting heavy pots, reaching, etc. I tell myself it's worth it, but I hope I'm not setting back my own recovery too much. The end of the month seems a ways off, but soon it'll be July 5 and I'll be back at work and I hope I'll be in shape to get through the days.
I think I'm feeling OK emotionally, then something will set me off and I'm sobbing and sobbing. I tried to sing a nursery song to the baby and suddenly I was crying so hard. I think it was about Mom. When Matthew was born I instinctively thought "I've got to tell Mom --!" Forgetting she's gone. I still have moments when I just can't comprehend a world without her in it. It hurts so much. Mommy, are you watching? Do you see our new baby? Did you feel this way when you were with me when I had Jenny?
Sometimes - well always I guess - I just don't understand this living thing. Or dying thing. What am I doing here? Do I welcome where we're all going, or is it all pure terror? Was my bypass the first step in my accepting my own impending death, or was it a reprieve or a bonus life?? How could I have been so close to death and not have been aware? Will I ever have the courage to face it?? Do I have the courage to fully live again?
My Cece is now blogging and what she writes scares me. Will we ever have our relationship back again anywhere near the same? Are we irreparably changed for the worse?? Can we "play" with abandon like before?? Have I now gotten too old; too fragile??
I'd wish for the time before all this happened, but how can I when I was "dead woman walking"? Can't go back anyway, so what's the sense wasting my time wishing. If I was going to wish for something, I'd wish to go back to when Mom was still here. I went through her death date this year in a blur - well, that was the day I started this blog. How odd.
I've got to get to some meetings when I get home. Aside from the meeting my dear ones brought to my house after the surgery, I haven't been to any. I have a doctor's appointment on the 21st; I hope he says I can drive again. That's bound to make me feel more like I'm back in the world. I've been so dependent for so long. Me, who hates being dependent under any circumstances. Ironic, huh?
Well, enough whining for tonight.
Also did laundry. I know I'm doing too much. My chest hurts more than it has. I'm using my arms a lot cooking, lifting heavy pots, reaching, etc. I tell myself it's worth it, but I hope I'm not setting back my own recovery too much. The end of the month seems a ways off, but soon it'll be July 5 and I'll be back at work and I hope I'll be in shape to get through the days.
I think I'm feeling OK emotionally, then something will set me off and I'm sobbing and sobbing. I tried to sing a nursery song to the baby and suddenly I was crying so hard. I think it was about Mom. When Matthew was born I instinctively thought "I've got to tell Mom --!" Forgetting she's gone. I still have moments when I just can't comprehend a world without her in it. It hurts so much. Mommy, are you watching? Do you see our new baby? Did you feel this way when you were with me when I had Jenny?
Sometimes - well always I guess - I just don't understand this living thing. Or dying thing. What am I doing here? Do I welcome where we're all going, or is it all pure terror? Was my bypass the first step in my accepting my own impending death, or was it a reprieve or a bonus life?? How could I have been so close to death and not have been aware? Will I ever have the courage to face it?? Do I have the courage to fully live again?
My Cece is now blogging and what she writes scares me. Will we ever have our relationship back again anywhere near the same? Are we irreparably changed for the worse?? Can we "play" with abandon like before?? Have I now gotten too old; too fragile??
I'd wish for the time before all this happened, but how can I when I was "dead woman walking"? Can't go back anyway, so what's the sense wasting my time wishing. If I was going to wish for something, I'd wish to go back to when Mom was still here. I went through her death date this year in a blur - well, that was the day I started this blog. How odd.
I've got to get to some meetings when I get home. Aside from the meeting my dear ones brought to my house after the surgery, I haven't been to any. I have a doctor's appointment on the 21st; I hope he says I can drive again. That's bound to make me feel more like I'm back in the world. I've been so dependent for so long. Me, who hates being dependent under any circumstances. Ironic, huh?
Well, enough whining for tonight.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Home with baby
Beloved daughter is home with the baby. My daughter's friend took me grocery shopping and I spent a fortune stocking her fridge and cabinet. Made her a pot roast with potatoes and carrots and onions and salad tonight. Plenty to freeze about 6 individual dinners for her. Tomorrow I'll make chili and freeze what we don't eat. She lost a lot of blood and I want to make sure she's got the best quality food. Easy individual meals that she can grab, reheat, and have a home cooked meal to keep her healthy.
Unfortunately, I hurt my chest trying to put a lid on one of the Tupperware lids. It was the kind you have to push the flaps down and in. Felt a stabbing pain when I pushed the flap too hard. Of course, that action pulled my chest muscles. Hurt so bad and almost went down to my knees. This hasn't been a good few days as far as my chest healing.
This morning before my daughter came home, had several crying fits. I'm not sure why. More crazy, carnival ride of feelings since the bypass. My grandson will never know the pre-bypass me. That's kind of a funny thought. Like maybe I'm entering a new life.
I sure love hearing from y'all. Signing out for tonight.
Unfortunately, I hurt my chest trying to put a lid on one of the Tupperware lids. It was the kind you have to push the flaps down and in. Felt a stabbing pain when I pushed the flap too hard. Of course, that action pulled my chest muscles. Hurt so bad and almost went down to my knees. This hasn't been a good few days as far as my chest healing.
This morning before my daughter came home, had several crying fits. I'm not sure why. More crazy, carnival ride of feelings since the bypass. My grandson will never know the pre-bypass me. That's kind of a funny thought. Like maybe I'm entering a new life.
I sure love hearing from y'all. Signing out for tonight.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Sunday Night
Well, daughter delivered a hefty, 9 pound 10 ounce boy at 22:06 Saturday night after a very difficult labor. Her friend was unable to be there with Jenny's for the birth b/c the friend was out of town, so I was the only person there with her other than her doula. I'm sooo glad I made the decision to extend my time up here!!
I was at my sister's when my daughter called saying she had bad itching in her palms. It was so bad that she felt like tearing the skin off. She'd looked it up and discovered it could be a symptom on intrahepatic cholestasis - a serious condition of the liver which could be fatal to the baby. My sister told her to call her doula immediately. They had her come in to the hospital to check her liver. They took blood tests and were waiting for results of others when they decided they'd better induce her labor in an abundance of caution. Apparently, they'd lost a baby to this unusual complication only a few weeks earlier. Jenny insisted upon going home first. She'd been unprepared to stay at the hospital and wanted to pack her bag and take care of her dogs. She was back at the hospital about 01:00 or so and called us back. My sister woke up her husband and we all set out for the military hospital. At this point, the last time I'd slept was Thursday night. We got there at the hospital around 03:30 or so. They didn't actually start the Petocin until around 08:00, after having a LOT of trouble getting an IV in my poor daughter.
Jenny's friend finally got there around an hour and a half after my grandson's birth. She brought food!!! Neither of us had eaten all day long! We sure were happy to see her!! She's to be the baby's godmother. She drove me home after Jenny and baby were settled into a room. I was beyond exhausted. The night had been so intense - baby was so large he was stuck. It was only through the efforts of the doula and midwife that Jenny avoided a c-section. Baby Matthew's heart rate was dipping dangerously low as Jenny was trying to push him out. I was doing much more - physically - than I should have been. I kept taking a pain pill when things got really bad, and forging ahead.
When godmom took me home to Jenny's house, I was all but immobile. I slept til 13:30, got up for about an hour but was so exhausted and in pain that I just went back to bed. I've had to take a higher dosage of pain medication than I've had to use in about a week now. My chest hurts so bad and I can hardly use my arms. Guess I set myself back somewhat. I'm really hoping that I'll be better enough tomorrow so that I can cook her a good dinner when she comes home. Another of her friends agreed to come by tomorrow to take me to the store to get some supplies.
So, I'm here alone at my daughter's house. I washed her bedding so she'd have a fresh bed when she gets home. Taking care of her sweet doggies. On one hand, I'm glad that I'll be here for a few days after she's home with the baby - but I want to go home so badly I can't even let myself think about it.
So, that's what's happening in my world. I'm a grandma!!
I was at my sister's when my daughter called saying she had bad itching in her palms. It was so bad that she felt like tearing the skin off. She'd looked it up and discovered it could be a symptom on intrahepatic cholestasis - a serious condition of the liver which could be fatal to the baby. My sister told her to call her doula immediately. They had her come in to the hospital to check her liver. They took blood tests and were waiting for results of others when they decided they'd better induce her labor in an abundance of caution. Apparently, they'd lost a baby to this unusual complication only a few weeks earlier. Jenny insisted upon going home first. She'd been unprepared to stay at the hospital and wanted to pack her bag and take care of her dogs. She was back at the hospital about 01:00 or so and called us back. My sister woke up her husband and we all set out for the military hospital. At this point, the last time I'd slept was Thursday night. We got there at the hospital around 03:30 or so. They didn't actually start the Petocin until around 08:00, after having a LOT of trouble getting an IV in my poor daughter.
Jenny's friend finally got there around an hour and a half after my grandson's birth. She brought food!!! Neither of us had eaten all day long! We sure were happy to see her!! She's to be the baby's godmother. She drove me home after Jenny and baby were settled into a room. I was beyond exhausted. The night had been so intense - baby was so large he was stuck. It was only through the efforts of the doula and midwife that Jenny avoided a c-section. Baby Matthew's heart rate was dipping dangerously low as Jenny was trying to push him out. I was doing much more - physically - than I should have been. I kept taking a pain pill when things got really bad, and forging ahead.
When godmom took me home to Jenny's house, I was all but immobile. I slept til 13:30, got up for about an hour but was so exhausted and in pain that I just went back to bed. I've had to take a higher dosage of pain medication than I've had to use in about a week now. My chest hurts so bad and I can hardly use my arms. Guess I set myself back somewhat. I'm really hoping that I'll be better enough tomorrow so that I can cook her a good dinner when she comes home. Another of her friends agreed to come by tomorrow to take me to the store to get some supplies.
So, I'm here alone at my daughter's house. I washed her bedding so she'd have a fresh bed when she gets home. Taking care of her sweet doggies. On one hand, I'm glad that I'll be here for a few days after she's home with the baby - but I want to go home so badly I can't even let myself think about it.
So, that's what's happening in my world. I'm a grandma!!
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