Still no baby

Today went better than I expected - as far as my ex is concerned.  Jenny's so sick of being pregnant; still working and her hands are swelling and hurting. 

I went for a long walk with the ex (as daughter was busy taking a test) but might have pushed it too far.  I wasn't paying attention, as he was asking about what happened and I was telling him the story.  Now my chest is on fire.  Hurting and burning.  Just when I thought I was really getting ahead of the pain.

Work called me and I didn't know what to say.  I want to keep them happy but I don't want to get myself in a situation where I'm trying to do too much too fast.

Still so fucking sad!!  It occurred to me that I haven't been praying and maybe it's time I started doing that regularly again.  I've been so afraid you'd have thought I'd already been doing that but my focus has been so much on surviving and getting better FAST.  When I get home, I've got to get back to some meetings.  I feel isolated.  I wish Jenny would have her baby; I hope she has it by the 8th b/c I don't think I want to extend my stay.  I'm lonely and I want to go home. 

Well, I might call myself Dead Ducky but I'm not dead yet!!  This plugged up heart of mine didn't kill me.  I'm profoundly grateful for that, even in the midst of sadness.